The Mindset That Changed My Life

Your life is short and you have far less time than you think you do. So let's assume you live to 80 and you have around. 50 working years in your career. And let's think of it this way. Let's say each major life decision you make. Maybe you're moving country. Maybe you're changing your career. And each real shot at doing something different. It takes somewhere between 4 to 5 years. That gives you roughly about 10 to 12 real shots a life. So I came across this in the Substack that I read from a writer named Jesse. And when I read it, I couldn't stop doing the math for myself, my own life.

I thought about how many shots I’ve already taken. the years in corporate, trying to climb a career ladder that didn't feel like mine. That core like crisis I felt in my mid-twenties. that made me feel really lost. And having to start my life over again. and then two rounds losing my job during subprime, and then the tech layoffs. that kind of feel like failures at the time, and then having to learn everything from scratch in digital marketing, AI, and eventually starting at Google and then starting this channel. So when I counted what I have left, it wasn't depressing for me.

I actually felt really motivated. because when you realize the number is finite, every decision, it subtly carries so much more weight because you want to make it count. and you stop saying yes out of obligation to other people to make them happy. And you start asking a whole different kind of question to yourself. So not to ask, is this a good opportunity? But is this the right shot right now for me? And the thing is that. most people might miss this because not all shots are created equal.

some shots in life, even good ones taken the wrong time. It will go nowhere and some shots, even with the most basic imperfect plan, can change everything. The difference come down to three forces that Jesse shared, and I really resonated with them, and I want to share them with you. because once you understand what these are, you see your choices. completely differently in your own life and work like I did. Who knows, you might suddenly realize. how many more shots you can take in your own life. The first force is timing, and this one is the most important. and probably the hardest one to control.

So there's this concept in Chinese philosophy called Tian, which translates roughly to heaven or the sky. It also represents timing, the larger forces moving the world. around you that you just don't control, but can learn how to read over time. Because life doesn't always reward you equally for every effort you put in. I mean, think about it, right? Most your shots will stay small or it might even plateau really early on. There are some opportunities or things that you've done in your life or career.

that felt like a good decision at the time, but. didn't really feel like that in hindsight. and we all been there. It's very normal. A few will take off in ways you never expected. That's just how life works. It's not random luck, exactly, but it's not pure skill in my opinion. Think of all the people you know who caught this wave. Exactly the right moment. We can all think of someone that you didn't see for years. until the high school reunion, and then realized they did great in life. They weren't always the most talented person in the room, but they were paying attention when something was changing fast,

either in their industry or in the world. And as an entrepreneur, I met once, played really well. There's a glitch in the matrix and it doesn't happen all the time, but they notice it and they move the speed to understand. that is an unfair advantage that won't last long. By the way, I talked about this before and I'll say it again. One thing I know this time and time again is that the most successful people I know. over realize the biggest unfair advantage. is to move a speed based on what you see. And that's one quality that will help you get ahead.

on anything that you're working on. So I saw this in my own career when I was laid off the second time, I started learning digital marketing and tech skills. Whenever I could squeeze studying here and there between jobs, not because I had the grand strategy to one day. dominated industry, but I could feel something changing. And I'm dating myself a little bit here, but I still remember the time. when the only social media channels around were Facebook and Twitter. The iPhone had just launched.

The world's attention was just moving online. and I didn't know the time well I was doing, but I knew. I want to be positioned inside that shift, not watching it from the outside. Because when what you naturally strung out lines up with something. the world's willing to pay for, and you catch that moment. when the demand is rising, that's a complete different kind of shot. That's a shot really worth taking. So a few years later, that positioning got me to Google, which changed my career and later on led to building my own company.

Now, I didn't get this opportunity. because I was the best candidate or the most talented. There's so many other capable and smarter people in the job market than myself, this was purely because I had spent years building the skills. in exactly the area they needed, and then spending all of my spare time. learning and upskilling myself in the area that many people just didn't understand. So how do you know when the timing is on your side? Here's what I learned. The right shot. It feels like they're pulling you in, not pushing you.

And you're not being forced in any way. So that momentum is really obvious, almost like this infectious thing. that you couldn't help but want to explore this curiosity some more. and then think about the last time, maybe when this happened, see. people respond quickly to what you're working on, maybe the doors they open for you without you having to really force it. You feel like you're being swept forward. And so I'm always grinding on this uphill battle. So for me, that's when I realized that that's the sign. And so your time to jump in. is probably really scary and something you've never done.

You feel a bit sink or swim, but when the timing is right, you move. and you move fast. The second force is place and in Chinese this is represented by di, and this is the one that you actually have the most control over. So I love that Jesse said you cannot catch waves. You cannot see. And where you position yourself, your industry, your environment, the conversations that you get to be part of those will determine. what opportunities you even have access to right in the first place. Now, I'm not saying. you need to pack up and move tomorrow, but let's say you want to get into tech.

It wouldn't hurt to be in Silicon Valley, I suppose, but what I'm saying here. is being strategic about where you put yourself. Given where you are right now. So I moved to London from New York City in my 20s. because I managed to get a job after doing a year study abroad in London, and the job market wasn't great in the US at the time. So I was moving, making my shots purely based on a need. on the job, and London gave me a great starting place for my career. But I think instead of thinking about geographical locations,

the second floors of D for me was being intentional about where I am. So I joined communities where the right conversations really happening. At the time, I worked in the financial center, the city as people call it, in London. But I was minutes away from Silicon Roundabout, where a lot of tech. and digital events were happening. So I built relationships with people who were maybe 1. or 2 steps ahead of where I want to go in those industries. I had virtual mentors that I follow their content, align and learn from them,

and I made my work visible by building a personal brand. earlier on, before I even realized I needed one. So opportunities could find me online. And what I learned from that is doing all of this. You get to attract them instead of chasing them. And here's the thing is that most people. dramatically, they underestimate what they already have access to. You probably already have a skill, a connection, or a piece of knowledge that can open doors for you. So if you're willing to use it without fear and look hard enough for it,

and let me share something with you. that I feel have really contributed so much in my journey so far, and that is to become incredibly creative and leveraging the limited resources. you have instead of regreting the resources that you don't have yet. We tend to always focus on we what we lack, rather than looking. for the opportunities that already are happening right in front of our eyes. so takeaway here is this. is that you can't surf from the shore by watching the waves. You need to be willing to fall and get wet in the water and position yourself.

closer to where things are forming, even before the waves arise. And being incredibly proactive are being part of the right. rooms, the right conversations, the right ecosystems. Especially when the best, highest leverage moves that you can make right now. The third force is people and that is Ren. Now this one's going to feel a bit counterintuitive. because this part actually matters a lot less than you think. And I'll tell you why. So when it comes to people, I'm not talking about the people around you.

I mean you specifically. So your skills, your talent, your efforts and you being ready to do the thing. So we've been taught that if you just work hard enough, get good enough, prepare. enough all behind the scenes and the results will magically follow. And I think that belief actually keeps a lot of people stuck. So here's why I actually see my own journey and career. So someone with average skills who step into the right wave. at the right moment. will actually outperform a highly talented person who is grinding,

hustling in the wrong direction with all their efforts, almost every single time and time and place. Yes, they do create the right conditions, but you determine. whether you can take advantage of them and that's not up to you. So what I'm saying here is that you matter, develop your skills, build your judgment. Staying curious. These things determine whether you can recognize a good shot. when they appears and then actually execute and act on it. So if you're waiting until you feel fully ready before you take your next shot, you're probably waiting too long.

And the takeaway here is that getting ready for it. and then preparing forever in the shadows cannot fix bad timing, but great timing can make someone who's 80% ready. look extraordinary when they have all it takes. You just got to make the call and take your shot. So how do you know a shot is worth taking then? Here's some of the signals that Jesse shared, and I want to share them with you. I can definitely resonate with some of these in my own journey. So first is that your gut says yes before you head can convince you not to do it. It's not because you convince yourself, but because you just know.

you probably know what that feels like, right? Second, there is this external momentum happening around you. You see other people who are moving really fast without being pushed. There's this incredible energy building around it. And then the number three. is that the downside is actually cap, but the upside is unlimited. Even if it doesn't work out, you'll be stronger, more connected, more educated, maybe better position than you are right now. I mean, that sounds like a no brainer to me.

So for the fourth one, it opens doors to future better shots. Not just this one, but what comes after. And for me, learning I a few years ago was no brainer because. even if I failed, I still end up with incredibly useful skills. I can leverage in anything I work on. And you're probably also wondering, how do you know if a shot isn't worth taking? So that's usually when it feels like you're being force or it feels desperate. and you only moving because sitting still feels uncomfortable, not because something's pulling you towards it. and you feel like the downside is actually very high.

So is the risk. And then learning is actually quite limited. Or maybe it's a dead end. and it's a shot. that doesn’t expand your abilities or connect you to something bigger, and you just don't feel excited about it anymore. And other be honest with you. So the hardest part of all of this. is having the discipline to walk away from a bad shot, to know. when to quit in life and the courage to move fast on the good one. Even when you feel scared to do it, So here's how I see it is that you have. this finite number of real shots in your career, in your life,

the ones that work, they happen when the timing is right, when you're positioned to see the waves forming. and you're ready to move when that moment arrives. I'm not sure. Seneca, the stoic philosopher, actually said this, but there's a quote that I want to share with you, which is luck. is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. And I think there's so much truth in this. Right? Because opportunities are only controllable to a certain extent. But when you make yourself a forever student of life, you'll make sure.

that whenever they do happen, we can move fast on that opportunity. And this isn't a productivity or career hack or life hacks in general. If you stuck to this point in the video, you probably don't believe in them like I do. Anyway, it's a different relationship with time. So when you accept that your shots are limited, you stop spending them carelessly. and you stop saying yes to things that feels comfortable. That probably leads nowhere. This is a video from another time, but I believe that comfort. is the biggest reason that so many of us feel stuck in life.

And I think it's time that you stop. waiting for the perfect conditions that will never happen, and you start treating your choices like they actually. are the investments in the person that you're becoming. And then be proud of the choices that you're making every single day. So I did the calculation and I think I have about maybe five shots left. It doesn't scare me. It actually makes me super focus and motivated. It makes every decision feel more real and more worth it given my limited time. So count your shots, be honest about where you've been, position yourself.

and when you feel that pull towards something with real timing behind it. Don't talk yourself out of it. Make that shot count. I'm Lori, thank you for being here. I'll see you in the next video.